We live in a society that has an interesting relationship with pleasure. Often, we bounce from pleasure deprivation to pleasure indulgence. We ignore or devalue microdoses of pleasure and get too caught up in our busy lives to infuse pleasurable moments throughout our days. We reserve pleasure until after the hard parts of life are “over”, we “deserve” a treat, or when pleasure is culturally sanctioned like a vacation or a birthday celebration.
We’ve got pleasure all wrong.
It is seen as something that we have to earn rather than a necessity for emotional regulation, stress reduction, meaningful relationship with self and others, sexual connection, and overall well-being.
We’re Made for Pleasure
There are two types of pleasures that we experience as humans – higher-order pleasures like the pleasure money brings us, how we feel when we look at art or hear our favorite songs, or the pleasure we get when we donate to a cause we believe in. The other, fundamental pleasure, is aptly named as it encompasses the pleasures we experience when we eat our favorite foods, smell our favorite smells, and experience sexual pleasure. (Kringelbach 2010) The definition of fundamental is “of central importance” and “forming a necessary core” reinforces just how integral pleasure is to our day to day lives and to our wellbeing.
We mainly have dopamine to thank for our ability to experience pleasure. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that acts as a hormone sending messages throughout the brain and the whole body (Cleveland Clinic 2022). As we evolved as humans, dopamine has guided us to be motivated to do the things that are necessary to our survival (eat, drink, sleep, have sex, etc.) – pleasure is a vital psychological and physiological process and yet our relationship to it remains confused!
Commons Ways We Inhibit Our Own Pleasure
In living an “all or nothing” approach to pleasure, on top of the ways social media skews our brain chemistry, we’re constantly chasing dopamine hits instead of healthy, sustained, regular engagement with it. Taking time to truly focus on, enjoy, and create pleasurable experiences in your everyday life will only positively impact your ability to experience pleasure and more of it!
We also confuse escapism with pleasure in our lives. Of course we enjoy a night out or a vacation, but for many of us, what we think is bringing us pleasure is actually dulling our senses, numbing our ability to think and feel, and can distance ourselves from the things that bring us deep and lasting pleasure.
It’s also quite common to feel hedonistic when it comes to pleasure. Many of us feel shameful if we talk about pleasure, seek pleasure, or “indulge” in pleasure regularly based on our perceived perceptions of others. We end up limiting ourselves and gatekeep our pleasure in this act of misguided humility or austerity.
What happens when we don’t protect pleasure
Our brains have evolved to easily store negative memories and information in order to keep us safe and alive, called a negativity bias. We don’t need pleasure in order to survive a predator’s attack, but as mentioned above, it is essential to our overall well-being.
We haven’t evolved yet towards a positivity bias, a brain that stores pleasure-filled memories and moments. Therefore, we must work extra hard to steep in the moments of pleasure, connection, fulfillment, and bliss. The more we succumb to the negativity bias, the more sadness, anxiety, and depression take hold. When we don’t protect both micro and macro pleasures in our everyday lives (yes, every single day!) we lose out on a powerful opportunity to bathe our bodies and mind in the feel-good chemicals we evolved alongside. So let’s do something about it!
Want to keep reading?
Check out the full post on Huha’s blog!
Want to get some of your own Huhas?
Get 20% off with the code: DRJULIANA20