I would wager that we have all been there at some point. Some one else’s crazy. Someone’s Catch and Release story. I know I have.
Here is a story given to me by a dear friend. It is called “Delete Me P-L-E-A-S-E” guy.
He met this guy and, at first blush, he seemed pretty great. (Isn’t that how they always start? ) They talked for a few weeks and they had easy conversations and similar interests.
They had busy and conflicting schedules so it took weeks to figure out how to meet up. Eventually they found a date and this guy invited my friend “Don” to join him for a work party at his house. Don was later than expected and by the time he got there the party was in full swing. As in, just the A Team remained and drinks, gossip and tunes were flowing and spilling. Everywhere. Basically he walked into a HOT MESS.
It isn’t easy walking into that scene sober and tired from work.
But Don brought it. Or what he could. He had a hard time locating his date but once he did, it wasn’t pretty. He couldn’t speak a full sentence and after a brief hug, forgot Don was his guest who didn’t know anyone. Don was on his own. (Cue the song “All by Myself”.
So Don introduced himself around to folks and started cleaning up. What else do you really do?
The party started winding down when his date passed out on the couch. As in everyone bolted.
Now Don is a great guy. Seriously. A one of a kind friend and person. While many of us would have bolted like Usain, he stayed. He cleaned up the party. I am serious when I say he picked up all the trash, washed the dishes and put away things that were overturned and out of place. He blew out the candles. He checked for vitals and left a blanket on his “date”.
This is all for a guy who didn’t remember he drove an hour after a long day of work to meet up with him.
As he is getting into his car, he hears the front door opening.
This is followed by the sound of a drunk man screaming belligerent nonsense at him.
Again, some may have been inclined to engage with this Crazy but my Don is not one of those. He was relieved he was conscious and shook his head as he pulled away.
And then he left me a message that went something like this….
“Juliana. Seriously. I’ve got a story for you. This guy. THIS GUY!” And words like candles, and drunk and yelling and well you know the rest.
Except his date wasn’t done. Don and I went out to dinner soon after and while we were there his phone started blowing up. Distracted, he finally looked. It was HIM. The culmination of the 15 texts was pure brilliance,
“If you don’t answer me RIGHT NOW. I’m gonna DELETE YOUR SORRY ASS.”
So he was retitled “Delete Me Please” Guy.
Have Don come to your party. He is seriously a thoughtful guest.
Perhaps leave right away when your date is too drunk to speak full sentences.
Don’t yell at someone who just finished cleaning your house while you were passed out and all your friends left you to die in a house of burning candles.
Don’t send crazy text messages. And really don’t send 15 of them. In a row.
Have a text buddy you can send crazy texts to or send them back to yourself.
Don’t threaten someone you will delete them if it is actually a gift to them instead of a punishment.
Don’t be someone’s crazy. I’ve been there. You’ve probably been there. Don’t do it again.
There is a good ending to this story….Delete Guy ended up contacting Don later and was 7 months sober. He needed help and Don’s kindness was one of the first acts of gentleness he had received. Having Don not jump in the crazy with him ended up being the catalyst for his wake up call. When other people jumped on the crazy train with him, he was able to focus on them instead of on his own stuff and Don was the first to not bite into the madness. He couldn’t avoid himself or justify his problem any longer. That was powerful. And it was powerful that Don didn’t take it personally. He knew this was nothing about him but how often do we personalize that sort of thing? Wondering how someone could treat YOU like that? or How come you keep attracting crazy people? Ok…that last one may have some meat to it but you get what I’m saying and that’s another blog…..
Don and I have a one liner we like to throw around when it works in any given situation-work, family, dating, the news…..
“Don’t make me delete you.”
and if it is REALLY worthy we add ‘your sorry ass’ with a myriad of accents that just heighten the experience.
Send me your Catch and Release stories to firstname.lastname@example.org or fill out the survey on